#& also it’s the saddest thing ive ever seen in my life :)

[ahotknife]

watching brokeback mountain. jake gyllenhaal’s got beautiful deep blue eyes

[charbles]

In your AU who is your all time favorite and why?

Anon, I've been thinking about this for hours, I'm NOT joking, This au has been around since 2018, its a very special thing to me, its gotten me personally through ALOT of shit, and its one of Me and Ricks (@galacticaldisaster) first au's/rewrites we've EVER done together, this au short is SO SO important to me which is why its SO HARD just to choose one character, you feel me? On top of that Rick and I try to implement literally EVERYONE into this au, we Cherry-pick from books, we include EVERYONE from AR, there are GENUINELY so many options!

My favorites bounce around alot due to whoever i'm focusing on developing and the likes but i think i've got a solid tie for #1! and ive got reasons for why its a tie :]!

Chris is my favorite out of all of the characters i've written purely because he makes me very sad, I think i did the best job writing him as a character, hes balanced in the sense that hes a heartbreaking character and yet i think he stays child-like in essence, hes got reason for what he does but he goes about it like a 6 year old would, a very scared 6 year old

Which brings me to my second favorite of all of the characters, Richie. Richie is this au's FNAF 3 Phone dude, I havent really talked about Richie too much, besides the mention from last night. But richie will ALWAYS be on top, mostly because he is the very first character i wrote for this au, WAAAYYY back when i was 15, the very first picture i EVER drew of this au was of Richie Scott, Age 17, Threatening to hit someone with a lightning mcqueen Croc. Richie and Phillip's (@galacticaldisaster s phone guy) whole concept came from a game of Garrys Mod where we were being little idiots and beating the shit out of eachother with fnaf character models! I also just think Richies silly :]

Legally i DO have to give you all my favorite of Ricks characters;

You all obviously know springtrap/william, absolute motherfucker, but RICK. RICK HAS THE AUDACITY, THE G A L L to both turn him into the saddest dad you've EVER met, and the scariest and i mean, SCARIEST William ive ever read. seriously, dudes believe me, Rick's writing for his devolve from a dad/ business man to murderous deranged killer is GENUINELY my favorite, I've seen alot of interps of william, and maybe im a bit biased, But Ricks is my favorite.

Now Phillip is in the same vein of Richie, hes the phone guy and was made during a game of Gmod via rambling, but Phils character and story is genuinely very very :[ i love him, he is my favorite white boy, Phillip my beloved little corporate slave turned Man Fuck This Place >:,[ i wont talk about his story too much, but its sad, and i fucking adore him and will kill for him

an honorable mention for ricks, who i will not be sharing pictures of is Jeremy Fitzgerald, because rick is the ONLY person i know who has implemented the fact jeremy carved his fucking face off and also once again? i love him. hes a FUCKER.

HONORABLE MENTIONS BELOW CUT!!

my FAVORITE fucker to draw is malhare.

look at this fucking idiot, i love him, and yet he is ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING. HE IS A MENACE. this guy and his bestie in au is ARE ABSOLUTE FREAKS. FUCK UP YOUR LIFE FLAVORED FREAKS!!

annnnndd currently my favorite character to write for is Vanny and the Tape girl (Delilah!) :]

i will not be giving context to this image :]

[worflesbian]

expanding on prev post by assigning the voyager crew a kate bush song each. obviously the whole of the ninth wave is voyager-coded so it'll have to have its own post and be excluded for this one

janeway: all the love is a very janeway song it's literally about pushing away all the people who are deeply concerned about you - 'the first time i died it was in the arms of good friends of mine'. i'm very torn bc there's So many from the red shoes that are janeway coded but i have to say the wedding list is probably the only one that captures her level of unhinged violence like that's janeway when she's out for blood

chakotay: james and the cold gun is about begging the person you love not to sell their soul to an empty vendetta of violence (see above!). i also quite like reaching out as a chakotay song - 'see how the child reaches out instinctively, to feel how fire will feel, see how the man reaches out instinctively, for what he cannot have... the pull and the push of it all'

tuvok: leave it open! it's such a cerebral song but also kind of guttural at the same time? 'harm is in us, harm in us but power to arm' sounds like something he would say to kes about controlling her telepathy.

b'elanna: under the ivy as mentioned but also hounds of love but ALSO love and anger! i can't even quote a single lyric bc the whole thing is So her and specifically her relationship with tom

seven: immediately i think experiment iv but also mother stands for comfort seems very seven and the borg queen and/or seven and janeway. 'it breaks the cage and fear escapes and takes possession, just like a crowd rioting inside (make me do this make me do that)... am i the cat that takes the bird, to her the hunter, or the hunted?'. i also think suspended in gaffa may not be a seven song tonally but it works lyrically for her relationship to her humanity: 'i won't open boxes that i am told not to, i'm not a pandora, i'm much more like that girl in the mirror, between you and me, she don't stand a chance of getting anywhere at all' 'but sometimes it's hard to know if i'm doing it right, can i have it all now?'

harry: i think army dreamers is a brilliant harry song, it's literally about a golden boy dying young because he dreamed of being in the military. from the perspective of his beloved mother. 'give the kid the pick of pips, and give him all your stripes and ribbons, now he's sitting in his hole, he might as well have buttons and bows'. rocket's tail kind of works as a harry and janeway song - 'and it seemed to me, the saddest thing i'd ever seen and i thought you were crazy, wishing such a thing' (tries going out in a blaze of glory himself) '...was it me said you were crazy?'

tom: night of the swallow!! literally about a criminal pilot - 'oh let me fly, give me something to show for my miserable life, would you break even my wings, like a swallow?'

neelix: I actually quite like never be mine for Neelix, it feels like it could be about all the lives that he could've lived, if his family hadn't been killed, if he'd stayed with Voyager and gone to the alpha quadrant - 'this is where I wanna be, but I know that this will never be mine'. also moments of pleasure seems to capture his attitude to life I think - 'just being alive, it can really hurt sometimes, these moments given, are a gift from time'

the doctor: i want to say deeper understanding bc it is about an ambiguously sentient computer program but on a character level i think he's more sat in your lap, which is about wanting to understand everything and being limited by the capacities of your own mind - 'i must admit, just when i think i'm king, i just begin'

kes: I will admit I'm not a kes scholar but I quite like the big sky for her just for the line 'you never understood me, you never really tried' and this idea that she's always looking up for something larger than herself that other people might not pay attention to

[locowolf]

finished RDR the other day and i have some thoughts.

ofc going in i knew the vibes were different from RDR2, but i still was not prepared for how LONELY it felt. sometimes when i was just riding around the feeling would hit me like a train and make my stomach turn. i think a big reason why it feels this way is the urgency of what john is doing. sure, there’s stranger missions and random events and challenges just like RDR2. but who cares? there’s no time for any of that, john needs to find his old friends. he needs his family back. everything else can wait. i saved most of the stranger missions and everything for jack just to give him something to do (which i will get to later). i’ve always been wicked fascinated by spaghetti westerns so i absolutely loved the lonely vibes btw

i’m pretty sure i’ve said this to literally anyone who will listen (all my friends) but john looks so so sad. angry and so so sad. he looks like he’s perpetually about to burst into tears. all i could think about was young john in RDR2, who was always second to arthur. whose abilities were doubted. who was left to die by the man that raised him. who tried his best to live an honest life. who bought a run down plot of land and built a home to win his family back. john was just trying his best, and only four years later (which does not feel like a long time to me) his family is kidnapped, and he has to work for the government and hunt down his old friends. it’s all just so sad and depressing UGH

speaking of RDR2, i think it’s really interesting how it changes the way players view RDR. i did do the strange man stranger missions, and hearing him mention the woman dutch shot during the blackwater incident was?????? literally mindblowing to me?????? this little remark, both about the woman and the incident, was actually the catalyst for the plot of both games and the disillusionment of dutch in arthur and john?????? also just knowing the past john had with javier, bill, and dutch makes their endings so much sadder (besides bill honestly lol he was always annoying). also also the little things, like returning to beecher’s hope and thinking about charles and uncle building the home with john and getting shitfaced after it was done :)))

i bought the game for my PS3 (because FUCK spending $50 for the same goddamn game) and it was a nostalgic experience. the PS3-era graphics and controls (reminds me of GTA IV) plus playing with the PS3 controller was very very fun! the horse handling still trips me up (again reminds me of GTA IV’s odd driving mechanics) and is probably my least favorite part about the game. i also watched my dad play it all the time when i was like six or seven, so it was cool seeing the things i remembered, like the shootout at fort mercer and how silly the horse breaking looks :3

i wish there were a little bit more references to RDR2 (or i guess it’s the other way round?). just a teeny tiny little bit more fan service. also i wish we saw more of abigail and jack :((( i know the ending is meant to be abrupt but i just love their dynamics so much :(((

and speaking of abrupt!!! the fucking ending!!! i had already seen the last mission (because i love spoiling games for myself), so when that cutscene in the barn started playing i was like ?!?!?!?!?! already?!????? i still don’t know if i love it or hate it. i know it happened so soon because the govt was just using him and could not give two shits about him or his family, “our time has passed, john” or whatever dutch said, not being able to run away from your past, etc. but i just love john so much and wanted him and his family to live happily ever after :(

this brings me to what is, in my opinion, the saddest part of RDR, which is jack. he’s a moody teen who doesn’t really understand the world yet. he has a complicated relationship with his father. he doesn’t want jack to be a gunslinger like him, but he doesn’t want him working for the government, either. he wants jack to be a man but treats him like a boy. jack just wants his father’s approval. him and his mother are kidnapped by the government, not knowing what his father is up to, then is reunited with him a few weeks(?) later. but jack isn’t an idiot and he can put two and two together, and he probably looks up to john for what he did to save his family. john takes him out hunting a few times, he jokes about him and abigail growing old, and things start looking hopeful. jack is finally going to have a chance at a normal life. but then the army shows up, kills uncle, and massacres john. when jack is like fifteen. then his mother dies three years later.

jack is eighteen and alone. no family or friends. i guess he has the macfarlane’s but i doubt jack was close to them. there’s nothing for him. a big empty house, a big empty ranch. and he continues the cycle that john was trying to end. arthur saw the faults in his outlaw ways and convinced john to get out of it, to protect his family and build a life for them, to run and don’t look back. john listened (mostly), but then he was forced to take down the known remaining VDL gang members. even though arthur doesn’t say it to him, i think john understands that revenge is a fool’s game. he understands that the days of the gunslinger are over, and he wants jack to live a better life than he ever had, in the same way arthur wanted john to settle down and marry. but jack is young. i can imagine him seeing what his father did as revenge, even though he was forced into it. but john never got the chance to have the “revenge is a fools’s game and the world is changing” conversation with him. jack watches the government murder his father, who he undoubtedly looked up to. his father who did everything in his power to get his family back. i can only imagine the anger and betrayal he felt for those three years he took care of abigail. him and his teenage brain trying to grapple with it all. then, once he’s an adult and he’s lost everything, he becomes a gunslinger and gets his revenge.

(i forgot to get back to the part about saving the side stuff for jack lol. i just feel bad about him being alone so i saved everything for him to do. maybe he can make some fucked up friends or something idk)

i like to imagine jack lives a decent life. maybe sadie or charles reconnects with him. maybe he explores the US and runs into tilly in saint denis. maybe he befriends the macfarlane’s and decides to become a rancher like his father was trying to be.

i think in his early twenties he would be an absolute train wreck, drinking and gambling and letting beecher’s hope fall into disrepair. but he would mature. he finds arthur/john’s old journal tucked away in the attic and thumbs through it one night, reading the passage where arthur tells john to protect his family. and jack thinks he has a chance. he doesn’t have pinkertons or the government breathing down his neck like arthur and john. he’s smart, he has a plot of land, he has a whole life ahead of him. he has a chance. so he cleans up beecher’s hope with the help of the macfarlane’s, he finds a wife, he starts a family, he has an honest living, and he lives happily ever after.

(this has huge fanfic potential tbh)

and my biggest takeaway from the game is: everyone was just trying to live for something. john, bill, javier, dutch, ross, everyone. they were just trying to survive. they were just trying to survive. of course, their survival methods varied greatly, and some were definitely more honorable than others, but in the end, weren’t they all doing the same thing? they were corrupt killers trying to live in a world that hated them. they were fighting for what they believed in. they were trying to make it out on top by any means necessary. all that varied was how they did it.

what a fantastic game. i think i still prefer RDR2 as a whole because i just fucking love collectathons, but RDR is still an amazingly tragic story. i binged-played it in two days.

[junitries]

long ass recap of the past week

decided that i no loonger want to be upset abut the things I can not control. im anxious enough about my own shit, i dont need to also be stressed about people and thing i literally cannot change, and hold grudges and burdens take so much mentally and im barely keeping it together rn

i watched the saddest movie i've ever seen in my life, lovely bones literally crushed me, i dont think ive ever had such a visceral reaction to a movie, i dont think its a movie i can watch again tho because it was really depressing, but it did make me think about how i need to start appreciating life more than i have, im still young and i have time to make mistakes so i shouldnt stress myself out too much and enjoy life while im living

my grandfather passed

ive been crying about it everyday since, and im really trying to be okay but i can't tell if im really just trying to shove my feelings deep down, i feel kinda numb, but im taking joy in the numbness, i dont eant to feel anything rn

lowkey haven't been wanting to go outside and interact with anyone but i also know that life goes on and i cant get behind this early in the semester

my friend invited me to go out of town with her, it was so refreshing and needed, but it upset me a little because i feel like she is not always the best friend, and neither am i, so i need to work on myself and find friends i actually like vs being friends w someone based on what they can do for me

i got a tattoo and i feel like they will be my new addiction

overall not doing great but at least im still trying and thas really all i can do ig

[yellowjavkets]

flu shot is making me so fucking sensitive emotionally speaking. so I can't watch saul. like not even the early episodes. let it be known though: i fucking want to

[feeling-kinda-sad-ngl]

for the identity ask: 7, 15, 21, and 27!!<33

7 - do you care about your ethnicity?

hmmm i dont not care about it? like if it was from 1 to 10 with 10 being caring about it the most, i'd probably be at like a 6 or 7

i care more about us as a whole but if its just me being hispanic/latino then yeah, just a 6 or 7

15 - 5 most influential books over your lifetime

1. joy luck club [this book was something for sure. for starters its about daughter/mother relationships and even though im not a daughter anymore, i still heavily relate to it because i guess i used to be one and am still treated as one ig... but yeah it really brought out so many emotions and wow was it a ride]

2. 100 most dangerous things in the world [i think that was the title... but yeah jts this book i thunk back to a lot because it was one of the books i first read when i was in either k-4 or k-5 so yeah i was really young and it kinda represents the beginning of my little journey as a scholar or whatever and it was quite horrible for me looking back]

3. haikyu [i havent read all of them BUT WITH WHAT I HAVE READ AND WHAT IVE SEEN IN THE SHOW IM GONNA SAY IT COUNTS!! okay so ... its very much affected me in a very amazing way and in a not so great way. its one of those things that i cant really have a cohesive explanation on why its affected me so much but i will say that i have been the happiest ive ever been while also being the saddest since i discovered it]

4. cross your bridges [this... is a fanfiction BUT AGAIN, IM SAYING IT COUNTS. THE AMOUNT OF TIMES THIS HAS PULLED ME BACK FROM THE EDGE WHEN I FELT LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT ! its unreal how this little piece of writing has me in a chokehold]

5. forest fire [another fanfic but i really cant think of books ive read that have affected me more.. but yeah its very... hm, i want to say it affected me in a good way because sometimes it feels like it has but if i beat down the disordered part of me that thinks that, i think its probably hurt me more haha anyywayyy its been very influential in my life since i found it] [lets face it, it hurts so much because i relate to it and i guess i like that]

21 - do you love easily?

not to toot my own horn but i guesss sooo, yeah. i love so many people and things and i like that i have so much love to give because its a good thing and it makes this life of mine a lot better, even if it dorsnt feel like it at times

27 - do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the real you?

no, not at all. i want to elaborate but i also kinda don't because then ill spiral into a deep self hatred again aaaaa BUT I GUESS SOME PARTS DO, LIKE HOW I HAVE MY HAIR! OR THE COLORS I PAINT MY NAILS, OR THE BRACELETS I HAVE! SOMETIMES EVEN WHAT I WEARRRR!! WOOHOO

thanks for the asks i lived answering them aaaaa >:]]

[urgrl]

but any way thoughts on s2 of snowpiercer as a whole.

*spoilers

•Theory about melanie: wilford mentioning the Oubliette. according to google it is a “secret dungeon with access only through a trapdoor in its ceiling”. SO because we didn’t see Mel’s body, i’m assuming (for the sake of my sanity) that she has found a safe place underground that is hopefully warm enough to sustain her for a while. I’ve also seen some theories that she might be with other survivors, which seems kind of far fetched, but if there is a natural vent like the one she found in the lab, it could be possible for there to be survivors. fingers crossed bc i will cry so much more than i already have if melanie really is d word.

•I personally really love Alex’s character. I love that they didn’t just go in a “mean, cold, emotionally stunted” direction with her, but rather show the emotional side of her. Growing up without her mother, feeling like she was discarded by her mom, having to deal with Wilford and his lies and manipulation for her entire adolescence. A line that really got me was when she was talking and she said “I became the island of alex, and no one ever came ashore.” She is an incredibly strong character, and i think any one who underestimates her will be at a huge disadvantage.

•UMMM MISS RUTH?? best character development. hands down. I hated ruth in the first season, and going into the second season. I even had mixed feelings about her up until Wilford ordered her to take off her teals, after which i got legitimate chills. Not only did she prove she wouldn’t be one of Wilford’s mindless dogs, she was able to put aside her own fears, insecurities, and everything she had ever thought or believed about snowpiercer in order to leave it behind and retrieve hope for humanity. she was a total bad ass, and i love ruth now.

•by far the biggest shock for me this season was Josie being alive. like hello??? I don’t think any one is saw that coming. All things considered, I’m glad that the hedgewood’s were able to help her. Even though their intentions were skewed and devious, they still ultimately saved her life. I wish we got more interactions of her and icy bob, but hey, i’ll take what i can get. Last season I feel as though she was a bit of a crutch to the plot, kind of in the background, but i was happy that this season her character was able to be an integral part of the pirate team’s success. I’m very much looking forward to her development and relationships in the upcoming season.

•aside from Melanie being Missing in action (i absolutely refuse to say she’s dead yet), the saddest part of the season for me was Javi’s death. not only was it brutal and disturbing, it was completely undignified. He was just a young man doing his job to the best of his abilities and trying to save the world in his own special way. I knew when he was taken to Big Alice he would die, but the way in which he was killed really cements just how disgusting, horrendous, and ruthless Wilford is. Javi was a kind, goofy, and warm hearted person with anxieties and worries like all of us. I will really miss his character. Scratch that i just saw that apparently Roberto Urbina is in the filming location for Season Three? I’m assuming this means he’s alive? JAVI LIVES.

some additional things that i thought were.. um... interesting.

•LJ, you wretched bitch.

•wilford’s bathtub, what the fuck is wrong with this guy

•jupiter. I loved you at the beginning, but at the end. Ive never hated a dog so much.

•alex wearing melanie’s hoodie in the last episode. that’s it.

•miss audrey needs some serious help.

•icy bob? just his entire character? what the fuck

All in all, it was a very exciting, scary, sad season. I really looking forward to season three.

Feel free the leave comments or reply about how you feel about season 2 or Snowpiercer opinions in general!

[spidermanifested]

remember when i said in my post about how bido is unappreciated that id talk about why greed/bido is a good and important ship but thats a whole other post. well This is that post

the first and most important reason that greed/bido is a good ship is very simple and that reason is Bido Was In Love With Greed The Whole Time And Nobody Noticed?????? how come nobody noticed. i mean SOME people noticed but nowhere NEAR enough people noticed

when greed compliments bido for successfully proving that alphonse is just a soul bound to a suit of armor, he blushes and acts very flustered and happy. unfortunately this scene is not animated in either show (bido talking to greed is changed to be over the phone in 03, and in brotherhood the scene just gets skipped, HOWEVER theres a single shot of bidos face in one of greeds flashbacks that shows him blushing and looking directly at the camera. ie at greed)

also in the manga his first thought when the military shut down the nest was to worry about whether greed SPECIFICALLY was okay (i used this page in my other post as well but its important)

and in brotherhood he was shown to have actually followed greed through the sewers during his fight with bradley but could only watch from his hiding place as greed was defeated and taken away; remembering this is what gives him the determination to hitch a ride to central to look for him

did i mention he went all the way to central to find him!!! clinging to a MILITARY TRUCK no less. as a very obvious chimera if he had been found by any of those soldiers it would have been horrible for him and every other time we ever saw bido faced with danger he ran away from it. but he was brave For Greed. he went into the labyrinth under central For Greed, and didnt try to escape until he was convinced greed wasnt there. and when it turned out he WAS there (and had lost his memory and had been trying to kill him) he immediately dropped his guard and walked closer to him because that was greed and he trusted him despite everything that had just happened. in the manga he grabs onto greeds coat as he dies and it is just about the saddest thing ive ever seen in my whole life

and then of course greed starts physically shaking because what he just did was so awful his body knows he fucked up before his mind even remembers Why it was fucked up and he cradles bidos body in his arms and screams. unfortunately if we are to acknowledge bido as the gay icon he was, we also must acknowledge that he was buried

(by all rights bido SHOULD have survived. where is the fanfiction where he survives fullmetal alchemist fandom or are you too busy writing the same royai-gets-married-and-has-babies fic over and over again. actually never mind i greatly prefer that to all the pedophilia. but thats another Other post, that unlike this incredibly niche topic some other people have almost definitely made before me)

the thing about grido is you could make a huge tragic thing about it being unrequited and frankly thats Fair, greed does not seem one to settle down in a relationship and bido likely has a lot of self worth issues that would prevent him from confessing his feelings. but you cannot deny that greed cared about him. he praises him, he pats him on the head (!!)

he COMPLETELY breaks down after he realizes he killed him. bido was so important to greed, as were the rest of the chimeras of course but i think theres a valid argument to be made that bido in particular was special to him. theyve got a few things in common actually that i find interesting:

both like to just chill on roofs??? when greed is in lings body he sometimes just hangs out on top of a roof. bido does this too

they could have hung out on roofs together.......maybe thats why greed likes to be up there. because he hung out with bido on roofs a lot. please consider this possibility

both of them are accidentally rude to children. the same children in fact

greed is like 200 and looks 30 while bido is middle-aged and people think he is a baby for some reason?????

okay this is just straight up a headcanon and has no actual basis in the text or subtext of fma but I Think Bido Is Trans and was cast out by his family in his youth and greed would understand that experience!!!! having left his own terrible family because they wanted him to be someone he wasnt

and then there are the differences:

greed is very outgoing and bido is mostly pretty anxious, though he has outbursts of confidence; that might be because greed being nice to him has built up his self-esteem (the way he calls himself cool/awesome when he escapes from the elrics, directly followed by greed complimenting his skills, really makes me think this is the case)

one is tall and lean........the other...is short and fat....... i know its cliche but let me have this

bido overthinks things. greed is a jock. with their powers combined they can do things at a mostly reasonable pace (as long as bido doesnt just go along with whatever greed wants which is probably most of the time what happens)

bido is outwardly inhuman and weird-looking but is incredibly caring and hard-working and loyal and sweet. greed is the sexiest motherfucker alive but hes literally the personification of a deadly sin and at his core he is technically just a rock made of pain. but below these layers both of them want the exact same thing which is to care about others and be cared for in return

also you know that post about how ships between immortal people and super young adults (or worse, teenagers) are OUT and instead we should have stories about immortal people dating 40-something accountants. bido is the 40-something accountant. except not an accountant. you know what im getting at though hes an Established Adult 

and bido DESERVES it, he deserves to be loved by the person he cares about more than anything, he has been through so much and gotten nothing but pain and he needs something good for a change!!! and greed DESERVES someone who will love him with all his heart and make him feel wanted no matter what. just, listen to me okay, they would make each other so happy

so!!! there are MANY reasons this ship is interesting and a million different ways you could go about exploring it and there is just NONE of it out there. for some reason the chimera that gets shipped the most with greed is dolcetto (though ive seen martel as well) and i think that is probably because they are more attractive to people (and also id wager more than a few dollars people simply see a dogman and his boss and go wild for the petplay angle). like you dont see any greed/roa either and thats very telling since roa appears with the other two almost every time and nothing about him is different except hes older and not as. pretty i guess???? in my humble onion hes hotter than either dolcetto or martel but thats neither here nor there

the important thing about bidos relationship to greed is that he might not have been transmuted with an animal with a strong sense of loyalty, but he didnt NEED to be, to be loyal to greed. he loved him entirely because he was human. and in the end he did the most for him out of any of the chimeras. unfortunately it was via dying but through the power of imagination we can collectively ignore that and pretend both he and greed survived, and greed went back to his original sexy, sexy body, and they made out on a roof for several consecutive hours. thats how im coping at least. thank you so much for listening to my unhinged rambling about lizard man who dies of fullmetal alchemist (gay edition)

[greenhatsinthesky]

lockdown film no. 13 - Paris Is Burning (1990) dir. Jennie Livingston

09/04/2020

as a queer, this is essential viewing. watched it with a bunch of pals remotely

- this was such a beautiful film

- like in terms of documentary it was one of the best ive seen it was so alive

- I loved how they did do talking heads interviews but not just in a room with a black background they were all in their natural habitat like doing their makeup or smoking in their dressing rooms

- there was a lot I didnt know about drag culture

- and people think they know about it because they’ve seen drag race on iplayer but that is not all it is

- Madonna didnt invent vogueing. Educate your fucking self.

- also I didnt know how much of mainstream society had been impacted by drag culture that people just do not recognise and that makes me really mad - like if you’ve ever talked about realness or throwing shade or told someone to work you are referring to drag culture created by queer people of colour and people need to recognise that because those people did not bring all this culture to society just for people to erase the mark that they made on the world.

- the section where they were talking about how the goal is to pass as your straight counterpart really hit me

- the amount of just bodies in this film was amazing

- the fact that they talked a lot about children who were rejected by their parents and came to drag searching for family to fill the void was really moving. They just want family and ball culture and houses and mothers give the children that

- those two boys drinking Fanta on the street were my favourite. So wise

- “They treat each other like sisters, or brothers… or mothers. You know, like, I say ‘that’s my sister’ because she’s gay too and I’m gay, and she’s a drag queen or whatever.”

- they gave so much justice to people of colour from different backgrounds in drag and that made me really happy. Like obviously those people gave themselves justice but this was in a really mainstream context

- seeing willi ninja vogueing was an ethereal experience

- “But this is a new meaning of family. It wasn’t a question of a man and a woman and children, which we grew up knowing was a family. It’s a question of a group of human beings in a mutual bond.”

- honestly the whole bit where there was drama about if the coat was a men’s or a women’s coat was so intense

- OPULENCE

- “So this is New York City. And this is what the gay life is about, right?”

- I haven’t really acknowledged how brave every person in this film is for simply living as themselves in this time period. I mean, I’m a trans person and I know that if I was living in the same time as this was I would not have had the courage that they did to live as myself. I would have tried, but the extent to which they all were themselves is one of the most inspirational things.

- every person in the lgbtq+ community needs to see this film. It’s our history. And we need to know who came before us to allow us to live with the freedom that we have now

- so many of the cast died before they could ever see the impact they made on society and that is heartbreaking

- and the fact that Venus died before the film was even finished is one of the saddest things. She was 23

- I loved that throughout the film dorian Corey was essentially just monologuing and giving incredible wise gems. Her end monologue was beautiful

- “In a religious community they wanna pray together a lot, right? Well, this gay community… they might wanna be together.”

[alicedoessurveys]

Doctor Who Tag

yes im a nerd...

CHILDHOOD

1. Did you like DW as a child?

I was 10 when it came back on telly with Eccleston and the first episode with the autons scared me so much my mom wouldn't let me watch it again until a couple years later, but yeah my teens I was obsessed with DW... still am at age 25

2. Your age at the time of the revival?

10

3. First DW episode you ever saw?

‘Rose’

4. Did you have any of the toys?

I still have the eleventh doctor’s screwdriver... I used to have some of the figures but there in storage now somewhere

5. Which DW character did you play on the playground?

didn't play it on the playground

6. Monster(s) that scared you most as a child?

all of them! the ones that still scare me now are the Cybermen and the Autons... genuinely cant walk past a shop mannequin without being suspicious 

7. Joke/story you didn’t get as a kid?

as a kid, any of the innuendo type jokes

8. DW opinion that has changed since you were a kid?

idk I think I still have the same opinions

9. Who introduced you to DW?

parents

10. Did you like Sarah Jane Adventures as a child?

I LOVED SJA!! I miss that show, and Elizabeth Slade :(

DOCTOR

11. Who is your Doctor?

Ten was the doctor that made me fall in love with Doctor Who 

12. Your favourite Doctor?

omg why not just ask me who my favourite child is... (I don't have kids but you know what I mean) if I had to chose my top three are ten, eleven and thirteen

13. Least favourite Doctor?

purely just because he doesn't have enough episodes... nine...

14. Best regeneration?

none of them I hate regenerations :( they make me sad, im too emotionally invested in every single one

15. Do you like “Doctor-Lite” episodes?

they're not my faves

16. Who is the most human Doctor?

I think nine maybe? or twelve?

17. Best multi-Doctor story?

the 50th anniversary special 

18. Best Doctor monologue?

“Hello Stonehenge! who takes the pandorica, takes the universe. but bad news everyone, cause guess who? HA! You lot you're all whizzing about- its really very distracting. Could you all just stay still a minute because I AM TALKING. Question of the hour is, who's got the pandorica? Answer, I do. Next question, who's coming to take it from me? Come on, look at me! No plan. No backup. No weapons worth a damn. oh and something else, I don't have anything to lose. So, if you're sitting up there in your silly little spaceship with all your silly little guns and you've got any plans on taking the pandorica tonight... just remember who's standing in your way. remember ever black day I ever stopped you and then- AND THEN- do the smart thing... let somebody else try first.”

not copied and pasted, remember that from the top of my head... its always there waiting in my mind incase I ever need an epic monologue :’)

19, What do you think TenToo/MetaCrisis Doctor is doing now?

hopefully living his best life with Rose

20. Best Doctor/companion pairing?

ten and donna 

COMPANIONS

21. Favourite companion?

Donna, Clara, Amy

22. Favourite secondary companion?

is Mickey classed as secondary? idk

23. Least favourite companion?

Ryan

24. Best TARDIS Team?

Doctor, Amy and Rory

25. Most underrated companion?

Graham, but that may just be cause I love Bradders

26. Most overrated companion?

Rose... I like her but idk, I think she gets more hype than she deserves.. don't @ me

27. Favourite companion’s family?

Rose’s mom

28. Who should have been a companion but wasn’t?

idk I cant think of anyone

29. Favourite (canon or non-canon) DW universe relationship?

Amy and Rory

30. Who did you not used to like, but really like now?

wasn't keen on Bill at first but by the end I really liked her, same with Rory

EPISODES

31. Favourite episode ever?

girl in the fireplace

32. Least favourite episode?

most of Chibnall’s episodes tbh sorry not sorry 

33. Which episodes do you skip?

the regeneration episodes

34. Best two-parter?

Human Nature - Family of Blood

35. Historical, present day or futuristic episodes?

I like them all in there own way but I think present is fave, then historical, then future

36. Episode that will always make you smile?

all of them

37. Episode that will always make you cry?

Rory and Amy’s last episode :’(

38. Best run of episodes?

ugh I cant answer this theres too many 

39. Best cliffhanger?

the end of Spyfall part one when the Master reveals who he is... I was SHOOK

40. Favourite Christmas special?

Voyage of the Damned

SERIES

41. Classic Who or New Who?

new who

42. Favourite series?

four or five

43. Least favourite series?

eleven, I just cant with the writing

44. Which series do you skip?

none

45. Favourite series opening?

eleventh hour

46. Favourite series finale?

Doomsday

47. Best series arc?

Bad Wolf

48. Thoughts on series 11/12?

I adore Jodie Whittaker and her doctor, and although I think 3 companions is too many I do love Yaz and Graham (Ryan is hit & miss). I just think theyve been massively let down by the stories/writing... they’ve tried to hard to tick certain boxes and completely missed what Doctor Who is about for a lot of people.. an escape from the real world into these outrageous unbelievable but lovable fun alien adventures 

49. How much of Classic Who have you seen?

not a lot

50. Who should have had another series?

NINE NINE NINE NINE NINE 

MONSTERS

51. Favourite monster/villain?

the master 

52. Most creative monster?

Weeping Angels, whoever came up with monsters that look like statues and only move when you're not looking at them is genius 

53. Monster(s) that scares you most?

Autons, Cybermen, the creepy dolls from Night Terrors, the ones from Waters of Mars, Weeping Angels

54. Monster you think is too easy to defeat?

idk

55. Least favourite monster/villain?

absorbaloff

56. Monster you want to return?

The Master, I really hope that isn't the last we see of Dhawan

57. In your opinion, what makes a monster good?

being genuinely scary, 

58. Daleks, Cybermen or Weeping Angels?

Weeping Angels

59. Best Dalek story?

Daleks in Manhatten

60. Best one time villain/monster?

my brain has gone blank I cant think of an answer right now 

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

61. Torchwood or Sarah Jane Adventures?

SJA

62. Favourite Torchwood Team member?

I haven't watched it all so I couldn't say 

63. Which Torchwood death made you saddest?

again, not watched it all 

64. Do you rewatch COE or MD?

huh

65. Favourite SJA Team member?

Sarah Jane

66. Mr Smith or K-9?

K-9

67. Maria or Rani?

Rani

68. Do you read the comics/novels or listen to Big Finish?

Nope

69. If you do, your favourite additional stories?

n/a

70. Do you like DW analysis (video essays, fan theories, etc)?

yes

DESIGN/PRODUCTION

71. Favourite piece of alien tech?

the sonic, I love how it is so multipurpose except for when it comes to wood 

72. Favourite piece of Murray Gold music?

I am the Doctor - gets me pumped every time 

73. Favourite TARDIS design?

Ten’s Tardis 

74. Has the 2005 era CGI aged well?

actually yeah, I was rewatching the ‘are you my mummy’ episodes the other day and my God when the gas masks emerged from the faces... ooooooof I was like omg how 

75. Favourite Doctor outfit?

eleven or thirteen

76. Monster with the best design?

not really a design more of a costume.. I live Dhawan master’s costume. that shade of purple, oof he so stylish 

77. Best show runner?

idk

78. Best writer?

Gatiss

79. Best opening titles?

eleven’s titles where the Tardis is flying and being zapped is cool but thirteens music hits different 

80. Will DW age well/stay popular in the future?

I hope so, I feel like its lasted this long surely it can last forever.. if the writers don't fuck it up... 

IF YOU WERE IN THE SHOW

81. Time period you’d want to go with the Doctor?

whatever time means Id get to wear the most beautiful costumes

82. Planet/place you’d want to go with the Doctor?

Galifrey, pre-desctruction

83. Doctor you’d most like to travel with?

any of them, please and thank you

84. Companion you’d most like to travel with?

donna, sceso a good laugh but also I feel like she’d look after me 

85. Monster you’d like to defeat/fight?

The Master 

86. If you could go back on your own history (like Father’s Day), where would you go?

back to when I was a toddler, I wanna see what I was like 

87. If you could ask the Doctor anything, what would you ask?

theres too many to ask 

88. Historical figure you’d like to meet?

Shakespeare

89. How do you think you’d meet the Doctor?

id probably be rescued from doing something stupid and then the doc would be like you know what the bitch clearly needs supervision she's coming with me 

90. Would you travel forwards or backwards in time first?

backwards

IF YOU MADE THE SHOW

91. Historical event would you like to see in DW?

Hamilton

92. Issue you’d like to see addressed in DW?

idk 

93. Who would you completely erase from the DW universe?

Ruth

94. One unanswered DW question you’d love to know the answer to?

where is Clara now?

95. Actor/actress you’d like to see play the Doctor?

Phoebe Waller Bridge (or Lin Manuel Miranda)

96. Actor/actress you’d like to see play a companion?

Andrew Scott (yes I did just basically recast fleabag and hot priest)

97. Is DW “too political”?

series 11 got a bit like that 

98. Which characters fate would you changed?

Danny Pink

99. What about DW could be improved?

I think ive made my options about Chibnall pretty clear... 

100. If you could write an episode of DW, any ideas for what you’d do

bring back Jenny, the Doctor / Daughter adventures they would have. I’m actually writing a fic about it if you wanna read.... here

[yakovdzhugashvili]

I WISH I WAS PRETTY WHY DO I. HAVE TO BE UGLY. 

my flatmate is so pretty and when I say to her “being ugly is so shit” she says “but I don't think ur ugly” n I love her sm and it means a lot to me that she's so kind but she really has never been unattractive before. she doesn't understand what its like to be an objectively unattractive person (im not blaming her for that, she's not unattractive so ofc she doesn'tknow what it feels like. just like idk what its like to be pretty like she is). its SHIT. I feel like id have so much more confidence n such a better life if I was pretty instead of ugly. bc ngl theres a lot of stuff that my flatmate does/can do that I just can't bc im not beautiful n she is. I just wish I could be beautiful but ive tried everything n im always ugly so ive given up even trying. its heartbreaking. if ur an attractive person - feel blessed. it rlly destroys ur confidence when no on has a crush on u, no one thinks ur pretty, u never look good in photos or in the mirror, n everyone u meet knows that ur unattractive. being ugly has ruined a lot in my life n theres a lot of things that id love to be able to do that I can't do bc im just too ugly. I think thats what my flatmate n other ppl don't get abt being ugly - its not just the “I feel sad bc im not pretty” side to things, its also the “i get treated worse and there are things that I cant do/experience bc im unattractive”. I HATE MY ANCESTORS for giving me these repulsive genetics bc I HATE BEING UGLY. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE BEAUTIFUL but theres just no beauty in me. u can't create whats not there. I will never be loved or desired by anyone. I will never be able to make someone happy. I will never get to date or fall in love or marry bc im ugly, and ofc its my fault/my genetics’ fault n not anyone else’s. like don't get me wrong im not blaming other ppl for not finding me attractive - it makes sense, I find me ugly too. the saddest thing is when ppl ask me if I want kids n its like, I don't even have the option bc if I did want kids, I wouldn't be able to have them bc NO ONE would ever want to have kids with me. also if I had a daughter who looked like me I couldn't love her. I couldn't love someone who had my ugly face. I would raise her to know that she's ugly bc id tell her everyday that she's ugly n no one will love her - personally I think its better that way bc then shed grow up knowing the truth but most ppl would disagree lol. doesn't matter bc im not having kids anyway. but it would be nice to have ONE PERSON see me n think im cute but ik its impossible when my face looks this disgusting. so if ur pretty PLS ENJOY IT and recognise that its making ur life so much better bc being ugly rlly destroys a lot of things in life that id like to do (and its meant there are some aspects to my life that ive had to not even wonder whether I like/would like or not bc I knew from the beginning that it wouldn't be an option anyway. things like sex n having kids. I don't even have a sexuality these days bc whats the point when ur ugly lol?) such as dating, love, sex, marriage, having kids, fashion (no point having drip when ur clapped bc if I wore nice clothes, id just make the clothes look ugly with my repulsive face), taking cute photos, looking in the mirror and seeing a face u like looking back at u. I wish ppl were honest with me n told me that im ugly instead of sugar-coating it bc I know the truth. the evidence is there. trust me being pretty isn't just good bc u get to feel pretty, it will change ur life. like my beautiful flatmate will never know what its like to go through life being unloved n unlovable bc she has a bf who loves her bc ofc she does, she's beautiful? but me? ii am the ugly sidekick. its sad bc she always wants to take photos but its just embarrassing to be in photos with her. its even embarrassing to be seen with her bc guys love her n she looks so beautiful AND on top of that she's also thinner n taller than me. its embarrassing n even tho I love her sm and I feel so blessed to have met her, I can't bear the idea of being in any photos with her bc she looks gorgeous and I look even uglier compared to her. I don't wanna look back n remember how ugly I was, so I just can't be in photos. its sad. I wish I could have another chance at life as an attractive person, id love to know what its like. :( I am ugly. I want to hurt myself. I want to punch and hit my hideous face until its bruised bc then at least ppl know that im self-aware, that I KNOW that my face is disgusting and deserves to be beaten. I deserve abuse and not love bc of my face. its hideous. its shameful to have to walk around with a face this ugly stuck to u n theres nothing u can do to hide it. im humiliated. I will never be loved and I don't deserve anyones love, I wi sh I was beautiful more and more everyday.

[therandombanjo]

Songs From 2019 (one per artist)

Another mixed bag of stuff i either enjoyed a lot, thought was excellent or interesting (regardless of taste… sort of), emerging artists to maybe look out for, and generally music that for whatever reason connected with me in some way, including the odd earworm i just couldn’t shake. Some artists are left off just to vary a little more from some other popular lists. Hope you enjoy some of this too and find something new to be taken by. Please do buy their music if you can and hopefully from a local independent record store if possible to support their work. There’s a spotify playlist (below) for easier listening but I’ve also posted a few links to extra things on some of them if you want to check them out.  Spotify:

(As ever…. as i don’t tumblr or blog or anything (besides this list), this won’t be seen by many (if any?) people so if you like it or think it’s of any worth in any way, please do share this along)

In Alphabetical order:

A.A. Bondy - Killers 3 Abdallah Oumbadougou - Thingalene Alasdair Roberts - Common Clay Alex Rex - Latest Regret Andy Shauf - Try Again Angel Bat Dawid - We Are Starzz Angel Olsen - All Mirrors        bonus. her collab with Mark Ronson “True Blue” Anne Müller - Solo? Repeat! Antoinette Konan - Kokoloko Tani Arthur Russell - Words Of Love Asmâa Hamzaoui and Bnat Timbouktou - Sandia Baby Rose - All To Myself BCI - Grateful Bedouine - When You’re Gone Benny The Butcher - Crowns For Kings      ft. Black Thought Ben Walker - Afon Better Oblivion Community Center - Chesapeake Beverly Glenn-Copeland - A Little Talk     (from a reissue of her 2004 record Primal Prayer) Bibio - Curls The Big Moon - It’s Easy Then Big Thief - a. Not    b. Cattails    (from 2 excellent albums released in the same year: “U.F.O.F” and “Two Hands”) Bill Callahan - a. What Comes After Certainty    b. The Ballad Of The Hulk Bill Fay - Filled With Wonder Once Again Bill Orcutt - Odds Against Tomorrow billy woods - a. Spongebob w/ Kenny Segal     b. Western Education Is Forbidden    ft. Fielded        (From 2 excellent records this year: “Hiding Places” with Kenny Segal, and “Terror Management”) Black Country, New Road - Sunglasses Blu & Oh No - The Lost Angels Anthem    ft. Kezia Bon Iver - Hey, Ma Bonnie “Prince” Billy - Beast For Thee Bonny Light Horseman - Bonny Light Horseman      (”supergroup” of the great Anaïs Mitchell, Eric D Johnson & Josh Kaufman) Brent Cobb & Jade Bird - Feet Off The Ground Brighde Chaimbeul -  O Chiadain an Lo Brigyn - Oer Brittany Howard - Stay High    (the video for this, with Terry Crews, is a delight) Bruce Hornsby - Voyager One    ft. yMusic Burd Ellen - Sweet Lemany Caoimhín Ó Raghallaigh and Thomas Bartlett - Kestrel Caribou - You and I Caroline Polachek - Door Cate Le Bon - Daylight Matters Caterina Barbieri - Arrows Of Time Clairo - Bags Cochemea - Mitote comfort - Not Passing The Cool Greenhouse - Cardboard Man    (a pretty hilarious song about David Cameron) CRAC - You Can’t Turn Your Back On Me    (Unreleased old track from ‘76) Cross Record - PYSOL My Castle CZ Wang and Neo Image - Just Off Wave Damon Locks / Black Monument Ensemble - a. Rebuild a Nation   b. Power Daniel Norgren - The Flow Danny Brown - Dirty Laundry Daphni - Sizzling    ft. Paradise Daughter Of Swords - Fellows      (Mountain Man member Alexandra Sauser-Monnig’s 1st solo record) Dave - Psycho David Kilgour - Smoke You Right Out Of Here David Thomas Broughton - Ambiguity     (from the 15th anniversary reissue of his remarkable debut album, The Complete Guide To Insufficiency) Denzel Curry - RICKY Destroyer - Crimson Tide Dry Cleaning - Dog Proposal Dubi Dolczek - Do The Gloop Durand Jones & The Indications - Long Way Home Ela Orleans - The Season      (From 2012 but on a career retrospective, Movies For Ears, put out this year) Elkhorn - Song Of The Son Emile Mosseri - a. The Last Black Man In San Francisco b. San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Flowers In Your Hair)    ft. Mike Marshall         (both from the wonderful score for the wonderful film The Last Black Man In San Francisco, the latter a cover of an old song sung here by the guy who sang “I Got 5 On It”!!) Erland Cooper - Haar Ernest Hood - Saturday Morning Doze        (from a re-issue of his “self-released proto-ambient masterpiece” in ‘75) Fat White Family - Feet Faye Webster - Room Temperature Fennesz - In My Room Fernando Falcão -  As 7 Filhas Da Rainha Sumaia     (reissue from ‘87) FKA twigs - cellophane Florist - Shadow Bloom Flowdan - Welcome To London Fontaines D.C. - Roy’s Tune Four Tet / KH - Only Human French Vanilla - All The Time Gang Starr - Family and Loyalty   ft. J. Cole Georgia - About Work The Dancefloor Girl Band - Shoulderblades The Good Ones - Will You Be My Protector?   (of Rwanda) Grand Veymont - Les Rapides Bleus       (of France) Gyedu-Blay Ambolley - Sunkwa     (of Ghana) Hailaker - Not Much HAIM - Summer GIrl Hana Vu - Actress Hand Habits - placeholder Hannah Cohen - Get In Line The Harlem Gospel Travellers - If You Can’t Make It Through A Storm Hayden Thorpe - Diviner     (Former Wild Beasts frontman’s debut solo record) Helado Negro - Running The Highwomen - Redesigning Women Hiss Golden Messenger - I Need A Teacher Holly Herndon - Frontier Homeboy Sandman - Far Out Hoops - They Say Hotel Neon & Blurstem - Language Of Loss House and Land - Rainbow ‘Mid Life’s Willows Ibibio Sound Machine - Wanna Come Down IDER - Saddest Generation The Innocence Mission - On Your Side International Teachers Of Pop - I Stole Yer Plimsoles    ft. Jason Williamson (of Sleaford Mods) Jacken Elswyth - The Banks Of Green Williow Jaimie Branch - nuevo roquero estéreo Jake Xerxes Fussell - The River St. Johns Jamila Woods - ZORA Jayda G - Leave Room 2 Breathe Jenny Hval - Ashes To Ashes       Jenny Lewis - Red Bull and Hennessy Jesca Hoop - Outside of Eden     ft. Kate Stables (of This Is The Kit) and Jesca’s 12 year-old nephew Justis. This live performance is so sweet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUPmE_hU7Ss Jessica Pratt - As The World Turns Joanna Sternberg - This Is Not Who I Want To Be Joan Shelley - Cycle John Blek - North Star Lady Jordan Rakei - Say Something        bonus. under his DJ pseudonym: Dan Kye - Focus Jo Schornikow - Incomplete Joseph Shabason - West of Heaven Julianna Barwick - evening Junius Paul - Baker’s Dozen Kali Malone - Spectacle Of Ritual Kate Teague - Sweetheart Kate Tempest - a. Firesmoke    b. People’s Faces Kelly Moran - Halogen (Una Corda)       (from a record full of all the bare piano parts she played for her prior record before all the editing and processing) Kim Gordon - Air BnB Kindness - Hard To Believe     ft. Jazmine Sullivan KOKOKO! - Buka Dansa     (Congolese collective upcycling discarded materials to make their instruments) Konradsen - Baby Hallelujah     (of Norway) Lambchop - Everything For You Laura Cannell - a. Sing As The Crow Flies     b. Flaxen Fields Laura Stevenson - Lay Back, Arms Out Le Groupe Obscur -  Planète Ténèbres Leonard Cohen - Happens To The Heart Leo Svirsky - River Without Banks Little Simz - 101 FM Lizzo - Tempo   ft. Missy Elliot Loren Conors & Daniel Carter - Departing Lou Roy - Bite Low Chord - Walkk Lower Dens - Galapagos Mahalia - What You Did    ft. Ella Mai Majja - Black James Dean Maria Somerville - This Way Maria Usbeck - Amor Anciano Mary Halvorson & John Dieterich - Vega’s Array      (Mary the recipient of the MacArthur “Genius” Grant this year, because she is) Mary Lattimore & Mac McCaughan - IV Matana Roberts - As Far As The Eye Can See Meitei - Ike Melanie Charles - Trill Suite, No. 1 (Daydreaming/Skylark) The Menzingers - Anna Messiahs Of Glory - No Other Love      (from a collection of rare black gospel from the Midwest between ‘65-’78 put out on Tompkins Square) Mica Levi - a. Hosting     b. Lobo y Lady (from the excellent Colombian film Monos) Michael Abels - a. I Got 5 On It (Tethered Mix)    b. Pas De Deux (both from the terrific score to the excellent Jordan Peele film, Us) Michael Kiwanuka - Living In Denial Michael Nau - Poor Condition Mike Adams At His Honest Weight - Wonderful To Love Minor Pieces - Rothko      (duo of Ian William Craig & newcomer Missy Donaldson) Modern Nature - Footsteps Molly Sarlé - Twisted      (Mountain Man member’s 1st solo record) Moodymann - I’ll Provide Moon Duo - Stars Are The Light Moor Mother - After Images Moses Boyd - Stranger Than Fiction Moses Sumney - Polly Mount Eerie & Julie Doiron - Love Without Possession MSYLMA - Inqirad (Rihab-U Dhakir)     (Saudi Arabia) The Murder Capital - Don’t Cling To Life Nardeydey - Freefalling The National - Rylan   ft. Kate Stables (of This Is The Kit) The New Pornographers - Falling Down The Stairs Of Your Smile Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - a. Waiting For You   b. Bright Horses   c. Night Raid Nivhek - After Its Own Death: Side A    (Liz Harris of Grouper) Noname - Song 32 Octo Octa - Move Your Body ODD OKODDO - Auma      (Kenyan/German duo) Øyvind Torvund - Starry Night      (Norwegian composer) Pet Shop Boys - Burning The Heather Petter Eldh - Fanfarum for Komarum II Porridge Radio - Give/Take PREGOBLIN - Combustion Purple Mountains - a. Snow Is Falling In Manhattan    b. All My Happiness Is Gone   c. That’s Just The Way That I Feel Quelle Chris - Obamacare Quinie - Whas At The Windy Rapsody - Ibtihaj   ft. D’Angelo & GZA Reb Fountain - Faster Rian Treanor - ATAXIA_A1 Richard Dawson - Two Halves Robert Stillman - All Are Welcome Róisín Murphy - Incapable Rosalía - Milionària Rosenau & Sanborn - Saturday Rozi Plain - Symmetrical Ruth Garbus - Strash Sam Lee - The Moon Shines Bright   ft. Elizabeth Fraser (of Cocteau Twins) Sam Wilkes - Run Sandro Perri - Soft Landing SAULT - Smile and Go Seabuckthorn - To Which The Rest Were Dreamt serpentwithfeet - Receipts    ft. Ty Dolla $ign Sessa - Flor do Real         (of Brazil) Sheer Mag - Hardly To Blame Shit and Shine - No No No No Sinead O Brien - A Thing You Call Joy Siobhan Wilson - Plastic Grave Six Organs Of Admittance - Two Forms Moving Sleaford Mods - Kebab Spider Slow Meadow - Artificial Algorithm Snowy - EFFED    ft. Jason Williamson (of Sleaford Mods) SOAK - Knock Me Off My Feet Solange - Binz Sophie Crawford - A Miner’s Life Squid - Houseplants         bonus. Their cover of Robert Wyatt’s  “PIgs..... In There at End of the Road Festival) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DktZtQbo-YU Stella Donnelly - Old Man SUSS - Ursa Major Swamp Dogg - Sleeping Without You Is A Dragg   ft. Justin Vernon & Jenny Lewis Tami T - Birthday  Tenesha The Wordsmith - Why White Folks Can’t Call Me Nigga Theon Cross - Activate     ft. Moses Boyd & Nubya Garcia Thom Yorke - Dawn Chorus Tierra Whack - Wasteland Tim Hecker - That World Tiny Leaves - Respair Toya Delazy - Funani         (of South Africa) Twain - Death (Or S.F.?) Twin Peaks - Dance Through It Tyler Childers - All Your’n Vagabon - Water Me Down Vampire Weekend - This Life Vanishing Twin - Magicians Success Velvet Negroni - Confetti Vendredi Sur Mer - Chewing-Gum      (of France) Victoria Monét - Ass Like That Vieo Abiungo - Cobble Together Visible Cloaks - Stratum      ft. Yoshio Ojima & Satsuki Shibano Warmduscher - Midnight Dipper Weyes Blood - Andromeda Wilco - Love Is Everywhere (Beware) William Tyler - Our Lady Of The Desert Willie Scott & The Birmingham Spirituals - Keep Your Faith To The Sky     (from a collection of obscure 70′s era gospel on Luaka Bop, “The Time For Peace Is Now - Gospel Music About Us”) Xylouris White - Tree Song Ye Vagabonds - The Foggy Dew Zsela - Noise

[relationshipcrimes]

RvB Fic Recs - May 2018

oh fucking boy there’s SO MUCH FIC

sealskins and other fairy tale bullshit by @aryashi - grimmons selkie au where grif is a selkie and it plays with the troubles selkies have in relationships with humans (simmons in this case), while making the mythos aspect an extension of who grif and simmons are as incredibly secretive and repressed people who have difficulty talking to each other about anything. also it’s in character, funny, sad, and hella insightful to red team dynamics and selkie mythos!!

vanished marvels and long road back to right by @onthenilerivah - LOGRIMMONS SERIES with SAD ORTEZES and basically nile is doing the lord’s work with unpacking the issue that lolix was a fucked up relationship and recovering from that is rough both emotionally and from your sense of self altogether. grimmons is here to help locus put himself back together

quantity over quality by @primtheamazing - instead of alpha’s fragments, freelancers get some AI named weird names like sarge, grif, tucker, etc. simtroopers as AI with some really inventive pairings and dynamics between the AI and their paired freelancer. also it updates every sunday!!! 

angular disposition by @weatheredlaw - steampunk grimmons where grif attempts to seduce simmons by replacing his junk robotic prosthetic arm. it doesn’t go as planned. really great grif characterization and the whole simtrooper gang pitches in at some point!!

hear the sad little sounds as they fall from my mouth by @bizarrebird - lieutenants dealing with the fallout of felix having been a friend, idol, and father figure to some of them, and then turning on a dime and revealing that all of that was fake. really great lieutenants, really great felix

what kind of trash dragon by @primtheamazing - grimmons dragons AU involving grif, without a hoard, and simmons, also without a hoard, trying to manage that in a universe where dragons literally need hoards to prevent depression. basically it’s one of the best representations of literal and allegorical depression ive seen in a while and basically i love this fic to death???

fool me once by @contraloci - ya ok look i know it’s lolix but hear me out: REALLY REALLY GOOD CHARACTERIZATION. felix survives the fall and he’s out to get revenge on his ex-boyfriend/partner; meanwhile locus attempts a redemption arc in the civilian refugee colonies of chorus

leaders by @a-taller-tale - very short doyle piece about doyle’s cowardice and early signs of courage, from the perspective of emily grey

don’t let it hit you by @primtheamazing - carolina tries not to grieve. it doesn’t go well. she’s her father’s daughter.

a pundamental idea by @grubus - donut seduces a mercenary and it involves a lot of puns

canis lupus familiaris by @secretlystephaniebrown - crackfic where felix and locus get turned into corgis and it’s incredibly stupid but also incredibly cute bc locus highkey loves the simple life of just being a dog and felix cant do jack shit when his legs are four inches long and im rubbing this dumbass fic all over my body

sensory integration by runawayballista - i cant believe im doing this but this is fem!york/delta porn where delta runs a realistic sex simulation for york that i still keep bookmarked because im highkey convinced that this delta is one of the coolest representations of an asexual person highkey in love with someone who likes sex a lot and how they manage that

save and restore by legendaerie - one of those interpretations of what delta did while hanging out in york’s armor right after york died and BASICALLY IT’S. ONE OF THE SADDEST FUCKING THINGS IVE EVER READ. INCREDIBLE DELTA. INCREDIBLY INSIGHTFUL AS TO DELTA AS A TRUE FRAGMENT OF THE DIRECTOR’S MIND WHEN IT COMES TO GRIEF AND LETTING GO OF THE PEOPLE THEY LOVE. HEARTBREAKING. PLEASE READ IT

wandering child by @weatheredlaw - tucker and junior fic!!!! does a really excellent job of showcasing tucker and junior’s really unique human/alien relationship as father and son, a damn good coming of age story just in itself, and also patches up a shitload of holes in canon in a very neat and inventive way!! tucker is a GOOD DAD and canon will never be able to take this away from this fandom

[lawrencegarte]

all for nahman jayden bc ive been replaying heavy rain and demand content

michi someday you WILL have to answer for your crimes against my followers

☾ - sleep headcanon: he fuckin. Doesn’t. probably sleeps on like a pull out couch despite having fbi money because his actual bed belongs to laundry and a cat.

★ - sad headcanon: i don’t need one cuz he exists in heavy rain already and also i can’t think of anything particularly?? tragic?? he honestly doesn’t strike me as the tragic type lmao like the saddest thing that’s ever personally happened to agent nahman jaeyden eff bee aye is he didn’t score with the twink he was attempting to flirt with at the gay club

☆ - happy headcanon: he’s got a cat and a nice steady boyfriend at current :’)

☠ - angry/violent headcanon: wait were those headcanons meant to be like... how they act when sad/happy cuz i don’t really know how to think of an... angry past for somebody??? UHHHHHH u know he’s a really angry dude tbh like generally Chill but if someone gets him even remotely riled we’ve seen some p 0 to 60 behaviour from the lad so he’s probably thrown a chair at somebody before. probably a boss. probably landed him in some hot water but it’s like really hard to stay mad at him and he was alright after a while.

✿ - Sex headcanon: that top-leaning vers lifestyle baybee!! i can’t believe we have already discussed this hjlashajlh he’s probably like.... pretty decent in bed. not anything to write home about but like.... u would go back for seconds.

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon: i’ll be real i don’t know hell or fuck about the fbi literally at all so they might live in dorms for all i know but i like to think they don’t bc a cute apartment in the city is like... more Interesting. tho cute does not mean cheap OR well kept. he keeps up on dishes but that is IT!! took a boy home n he was the damn bitch you live like this? image to a T. nasty boy. kitty likes it tho cuz she has a lot of boxes and clothes to lie in.

♡ - romantic headcanon: Not. he’s dumb and awkward. cannot flirt. does not think to pick up gifts at random. WILL write you a letter when he fucks up to say sorry and it is very endearing if stupid

♥ - family headcanon: not particularly close w his parents?? only child but he’s got a niece who he’s pretty close with, tho she’s quite a bit younger than him. she’s also like the only blood family he’s out to.

☮ - friendship headcanon: he doesn’t have a whole heap of friends but he’s got a decent amount of workplace acquaintances and a couple of really tight Gay Friends. gays of a feather flock together after all.

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon: he plays a lot of solitaire, and it’s like, actual playing card solitaire? he’s got a few decks of cards but his favourite is this really expensive poker deck he bought at a pawn shop. poker decks are like 50 or 60 bucks a pop can u fuckin believe that. like why?? they’re like... good cards but.... They’re Cards...... anyway also he really likes old movies, especially ones starring women. 

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon: loves spicy food. LOVES a banana pepper, especially on pizza. does NOT like yogurt, or dairy in general because it gives him a tummy ache. will drink milk if necessary after eating many banana peppers. he ate some ghost pepper hot wings once and threw up but would consider eating them again.

▼ - childhood headcanon: unremarkable. was always a little closer to his mom but his dad wasn’t a bad guy; they took fishing trips together every summer until norman was fifteen. dated a couple girls in high school and couldn’t understand what the fuss with relationships was. eventually realized he was A Gay senior year.

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon: settled down in california with a nice retirement fund and his husband of several years. they have two cats and a dog and it never rains.

♒ - cooking/food headcanon: top ramen? can i interest anyone in some top ramen?

☼ - appearance headcanon: he just looks like that!

ൠ - random headcanon: quitting is tough for him and he relapses a couple of times but is lucky enough to have people in his life always there to dig him out of a tough spot. also he prefers his eggs sunnyside up with brown toast.

[thecryingcryptid]

Hey ive been following you for a while and im not sure if its just my bad memory,but I haven't really seen a post about your ocs? They sound really fun from what I can tell from the tags of that last post. Id love to know more about them?Hope Im not bothering you! 🌟

not at all! yeah idk i have a couple sideblogs for them (but it’s more of a what their tumblr would look like not so much things specifically about them if you get what i mean). you precious monarch butterfly have some lil quick bios bout my top 3 girls

Reywynn Nightstar | D&D | rogue + warlock | Queer Table Universe

- Chaotic neutral/good moon elf who is an arcane trickster. She has ginger hair and one green eye, she lost the other eye to a cursed beholder eye charm thing. She is hella chaotic and loves lame jokes and pulling pranks. She is also hella pansexual and is drawn to lovers who are fun and know how to have a good time. She worked for a rogue organization in the Feywild traveling the wilderness to ruins and shit (and sometimes cities) to...reclaim items of arcane and cultural value. On one mission she tripped a plane shift trap and was sent to the Material Plane. She is not educated on inter-planar travel so she had no fuckin clue how to get back, she just kinda travelled around Faerun taking up odd thieving jobs until she teamed up with the group to work a bigger job with more pay.  She is the SMOLEST bean (next to our gnome ranger) at 5ft tall. FUN FACT: that was 100% not her original height but when the DM asked me how tall she was at like level 6 I realized I had not written it down anywhere so randomly rolled for it right then and there. Rey is a smol rage bean with the lamest sense of humor AND I LOVE HER. She has also written a romance novel based on the group’s adventures! It’s not like the penny smut novels she favors but more of a dramatic love epic. I have not actually written out the novel, and probably never will, but I DO have a basic plot outline written if anyone ever wants to see it (you won’t understand how the plot relates to in-game events but it still might be interesting).

Likes: bad jokes, smut novels, and stabby things

Amaris | D&D | wizard | (future) Empire universe

- Neutral good tiefling with moonstone skin and black antlers. 6ft tall with wavy silver hair and bright purple eyes against black scleras.  She is probably my bean with the saddest backstory. Her father travels as a fortune teller, though he was more interested in using his good looks and mystic background to seduce women (especially wealthy women). On one such occasion his affair with a local landowner’s human wife resulted in a child that was very obviously not her husband’s. For whatever reason, maybe he really did care for her, he agreed to raise Amaris and keep her away from the anger of the husband. That being said, he was NOT a good father. It was very obvious from a young age that Amaris had a talent for learning magic that he did not, and he greatly exploited that to make his life easier and help him make more money as they travelled. He was very emotionally and verbally abusive and it wasn’t until her mid 20s that she gained the courage to run away from him. She left with some fancy arcane armor she was supposed to be making for him, but now it helps keep her safe as she explores the world on her own terms. She also has the mystic background, but to her father’s annoyance, she doesn’t flatter patrons and tell them what they want to hear instead choosing to give the blunt truth. Sometime in her teens they were close to the town where her mother lived and she went to try and see her, but was discovered by the husband and was chased down and attacked with scythes/sickles. Her back now has a thick scar from the base of her skull all the way down her spine. 

She HAS made a cameo in the Queer Table universe as an npc and is married to a nice (and hot) water genasi smuggler and they have a daughter. In that universe she also has a half-brother, Rexes, who is a Monster Hunter ranger.

Likes: books on arcane theory and astronomy, cinnamon rolls, and lavender

Nalaia | D&D | druid | (current) Empire universe

- Neutral/chaotic annoyed 6ft tiefling with green and peachy skin and short-ish horns (think typical devil horns). Long ass denim/blue hair that really needs cut (it’s almost to her knees) and is grumpy AFFFFFFF. Her mother died shortly after giving birth to her so her father raised her himself in the underdark. He was also a druid and took a lot of joy in helping her develop her abilities. When she was about 17-18 he died of a fever and urged her to explore the above world and all nature had to offer there. She set out and ended up staying at a smallish town and falling in love with townmaster. Lots of backstory plot I haven’t FULLY worked out but the townmaster pressured her into focusing more on healing magic and only growing crops the town needed BUT THEN some shit was happening in the forest and despite Nalaia’s pleading the townmaster had the forest burnt down. Being fucking distraught and betrayed by people she thought cared about her she ran off to The Mist Moors and lived as a hermit in a secluded cabin in the swamp. Occasionally people would find their way there if they needed potions or something and sometimes she would help, if only to get them to leave her alone. She couldn’t stay secluded in the swamp though after ALL the dragons rose from the dead AND ATE THE SUN. So now she travels with some cool people to help restore the sun and save The World Roots which are responsible for all the growth of nature. She still generally does NOT like society as an organized concept and gets really uncomfortable and clingy to the paladin when they have to be in whatever post apocalyptic towns they come across. She is (at this point in her life/adventure) very likely to choose nature over people.

Likes: moss, walking barefoot through the mud, banjo music